Written. 24. May. 2004

Welcome to my Head

To enter an access code, press pound,
To start the Inner Monologue, press play.
Then strap yourself in,
and keep your doggie bag handy -
You'll need it.
When visiting my head,
taking the scenic route through my psyche
The debris and ruin, downed power lines sparking in the wet
Turgid Darkness enveloping all.

Duck the rotting corpses of my past
swinging lazily from rusted aluminum trees.
Keep your appendages in the vehicle, please -
lest you lose them to the snapping jaws
of my inner demons, ever ravenous for fresh guilt.
Don't get out to explore the rolling fields of dead grass
since you might get pulled under by the horrors -
clambering gleefully within it, reaching down to dig
sharpened talons into my wounds and keep them bleeding.

Hide your eyes from the atrocities on the left,
my inner child slowly skinned alive
by my sadistic cynicism,
Just don't listen to the cacophony of screams.

And before the nightmare tour ends,
if you're still in possession of your sanity -
breath shallow through the blood falls
Add your shadows to my Valley of Death.

Welcome To My Head.

Written. 24. May. 2004

Gay

I am gay -
and yet I've never dated.
I am queer -
In every definition known.
I am lesbian -
because men appeal not to me.
I am womyn -
and crave a woman's touch.
I am female -
thus I rejoice in the female form.
I am fag hag -
for I relate better to gay males.
I am big nelly bottom -
due to lack of experience.
I am beefy, brutal top
in my mind and heart.

I am broken.
I am whole.
I am strange.
I am normal.
I am...

Queer as Folk.

WE
Written.10.May.2004

Crude and rude and completely without tact
Brash and rash and utterly lacking in decorum
No finesse and unrefined, absolutely uncouth
Raw and crass and severely in need of diplomacy

Dark and dreary and gleefully macabre
irreverent and irrelevant and enveloped in shadows
Morbid and morose, devoid of Light or Joy
Sorrowful and forlorn, lost in the valley of the dead.

Anti-Social and sociopathic, seeing through schizotypal eyes
Depressed and repressed, with an oppressive lack of self worth.
Manic and frantic, socially dysfunctional in every sense.
Psychotic and chaotic, a fractured psyche

We are all of these and more

We are generally not amused.

We are myself in pieces.

Holiday Countdown

Written.10.May.2004

Six Hours left
to live
to die
to spread my wings and fly?

Three Hundred sixty minutes
to flail
to rail
against the injustice of it all?

Time and time and time slips by
bleeding me
leaving me
without the will to go on

And shall I feel afraid?
Shall I run or hide
from the inexorable
ticking of the clock?
Should I turn away in fear?
Stand bravely at the edge of the abyss,
and see myself reflected in its Vestigion Darkness?

Five hours, forty eight minutes now,
to reconcile
or find justice
or simply just to be -
before the end.

Written. 17. Novemebr. 2003
Climax

And I felt you hesitate
inside of me
Wondered at the vagaries of perception
that widened the chasm between-
Like a breath drawn in and held
just a moment too long.
I sensed the pause, the change
in myself.

Did it have as much meaning
as I so yearned to give it?
The order of things was never in question.
Looking up, I marveled the silence of it-
when silence reigned every change.
But felt obligated to mark the moment
with sound.

And then I felt you move again
the rythym regained-
We pressed on, strove to come
back together, breach the gulf
of who we were and who we are,
Until everything exploded in sensation.
For a moment we were one,
at the climax.