Written. 26. November. 2002

Mourn Ahead

As the day seeps into night
you begin to wonder about your life
And how it is,
you want to be remembered.

Or you ruminate on the future
imagining having lost your most beloved
Trying to mourn in advance,
knowing you'd never survive the loss

Ponder the pain, then
of being torn, snatched, wrenched
away from the only person whose soul
fitted to yours like flesh over sinew

Its a selfish thing really
to want to continue though you're half complete
want to become the one who carries on,
being ever looked upon in sorrowful commiseration.

Find you want to be the tragic survivor
desire the pain of living without
And so begin to draw from the future grief
mortgage to get you acclimated to that state of being

You Mourn ahead, take out an advance
letting longing for it grow with each year
until day seeps into night
And you find yourself mourning for your loss before it happens
remembered as one who mourned.

Jessica Gasparini.